"When I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I actually felt relief," shares Cindy. "I had been trying to find a reason for my pain and it finally was acknowledged as being something physical not mental." Cindy goes on to explain, "It wasn't until months later that I started getting short-tempered and frustrated and I realized that I was angry about the diagnosis. I was angry that I had to suffer and no one understood."
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, a doctor in Switzerland, wrote a life-changing book called, "On Death and Dying" which describes the cycle of emotional stages that is often referred to as the grief cycle. Anger is the third stage, following the shock stage and the denial stage.
When we are diagnosed with an illness, feeling anger is the most natural reaction. Realizing our dreams may be out of our control now that our body is redefining what is "normal" for us, can be devastating.
Recognizing these feelings and dealing with them is part of the mourning process. We all need to go through this process, and it comes at different times for each individual and at different levels at each stage of the illness. Ironically, the first year of diagnosis may even be easier than the third year.
Says Krista, who lives with chronic fatigue syndrome, "I know that my anger stages come and go. I have been angry at doctors, at God, myself, my church, even my husband and daughter and other family members."
One thing is definite: anger will come. For some people it will be a mild irritation with everything in life, and for others a flaring temper that doesn't seem subside.
"It is my observation," says Linda Noble Topf, author of "You are Not Your Illness", "that the absence of anger in the face of a serious illness suggests that we have already withdrawn from life, that we have relinquished our passion for living, that we are resigned and emotionally numb."
When you are Christian it can feel shameful to even express that you have angry feelings. Too often Christians believe that their angry emotions are sinful and something that those with a great deal of faith never experience. They even believe that those feelings they do have are not even quote "allowed." Have you ever experience some of these feelings?
- If my faith in God is solid, I should trust that He wants what is best for me. Doubting His hand in my circumstances to shows my lack of faith.
- If I tell other Christians about my angry feelings, and how frustrated I am with this disease, won't they think I am weak in my walk with Christ?
- I know it says, "wise men shouldn't anger" in the Bible. How can I, in good faith, express the emotions that I am feeling?
- I know that anger leads to bitterness. So if I don't acknowledge these feelings I will be a "better Christian" and I won't ever become bitter about life.
All of these thoughts are normal, but that doesn't mean they're correct. By burying our anger and not acknowledging it, we prevent ourselves from moving on to the next phase in the grief cycle, learning how to effectively manage our emotions and our chronic illness.
Here are a few tips to help guide you through the process of dealing with your anger:
1. Are you feeling angry? Acknowledge this emotion and then move on with life.
It is easy to believe if we bury our anger we will become a stronger person. Topf recommends, "Think of anger as a resource that you can learn to harness and refine for your own benefit." By claiming your feelings you can reclaim your personal identity and your true emotions about the situation.
The Bible tells us that Job got extremely angry, even cursing the day he was born. After much loss of loved ones, possessions, and finally his health, he had a justifiable reason to be mad at God. He said, "Do I have any power to help myself, now that success has been driven from me?" (Job 6:13). Later in Job's life, however, God restored his life and blessed him exponentially and then he said, "Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful to know" (Job 42:3b). Job had to go through the anger stage in order to come out on the other side with more character and wisdom. And only through this was he able to experience the blessings God gave him to their full extent.
2. Feeling angry is okay.
God gave us the ability to feel anger. There are many examples in the Bible where even He feels anger. What does the Bible tell us about anger? Once you begin to get in touch with these feelings of anger, it may trigger every unfairness and injustice that you are experiencing. We are susceptible to becoming wrapped up in these feelings and remaining angry at the world. These are the feelings of anger that God warns us about; as He knows that they can become too prominent in our life and take our focus off of Him.
- "For man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires" (James 1:20).
- "Wise men turn away anger" (Proverbs
- "A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control" (Proverbs 29:11).
It is no secret that the God designed us with anger as part of our natural human response to negative circumstances. Some people may remind us that it takes anger to make positive changes. For example, the acronym "MADD" explains rather well the emotions behind Mothers Against Drunk Drivers. Topf writes, "We discover that anger is first and foremost demand for change." It's true, amazing changes have occurred in history because of anger, such as the civil rights laws. Having an "I'm-not-going-to-take-it-any-more-attitude" can create positive changes. It is when anger takes over a life that we are in danger.
In Amos 1:11, God says, "I will not turn back my wrath... because his anger raged continually." God isn't upset because of the presence of anger, but because the anger was continuous. God calls us to put our focus on Him and try to make a difference that will bring glory to Him.
3. Walk with God beside you and He will walk with you through your anger.
David experienced this and wrote, "Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me." (Psalm 138:7). God is there when you need to feel angry and he wants to stretch out His hand against your anger and protect you.
"I'm still dealing with anger toward this illness, after eight years of being sick," shares a woman who lives with fibromyalgia, Peggy says, "Each time I experience a new limitation, I get angry all over again. But as I learn to cope with living with chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia, and the limitations it places on my activities, I expect God's perfect grace. I pray that He will become slow to anger, as I am depending on the scripture, 'The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love'" (Psalm 103:8).
Anger is an emotion we will all encounter for the rest of our lives. Perhaps the simplest of advice is a scripture that I quote in my book, Why Can't I Make People Understand? Discovering the Validation Those with Chronic Illness Seek and Why" where I go through the mixed bag of emotions, especially anger and bitterness. It is Hosea 7:13b-14 in which God says, "I long to redeem [you] but. . . [you] do not cry out to Me from [your] hearts, but wait upon [your] beds." Instead of curling up in bed wailing "Why me?" pour our your heart to the Lord and simply ask Him for help
"Why Can't I Make People Understand?" is author, Lisa's latest book that will get you through your anger at www.WhyCantIMakePeopleUnderstand.com . Free download of 200 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend from when you sign up for HopeNotes at Rest Ministries. Lisa is the founder of Invisible Illness Week. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lisa_Copen |  |
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